A Queer Predicament
by Commodore Norrington
Summary: Tony makes an unfortunately worded comment that the whole office overhears.


"What part of 'gay' don't you understand?"

The comment, louder than the speaker had probably intended, floated over the tops of too-short cubicle walls and brought the office to a screeching halt. Bewildered agents stood quickly, trying to ascertain the source of the outburst; it surely could not have been who it sounded like.

Whispers began circulating, building intensity like a gathering storm. Whispers soon gave way to low comments which slowly grew in volume until, augmented by turning heads and hurrying gossips, the office resembled a buzzing beehive...or perhaps the NYSE.

One smartly dressed young man a few cubicles over perked up happily. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, he straightened his bright lavender shirt and tightened his pastel-yellow belt. Another, older, agent had quite a different reaction. Blue eyes darkening in disapproval, his face nevertheless remained impassive beneath silver hair. Striding in, as usual, with a steaming cup of coffee, he noted vaguely the absence of his female employee.

"DiNozzo, do you really think the whole building needs to know about you?"

Confusion flashed in the younger agent's eyes. He was apparently unaware of how far his comment had traveled. "About me, boss?"

Gibbs lowered his voice discreetly. "I don't care about your...sexual orientation, but you don't need to advertise it."

"Well, boss, it's never been a problem before..." Tony trailed, now even more confused.

"You never said anything before, DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled, annoyed by Tony's apparent inability to grasp such a simple concept.

"I guess I just figured it was pretty obvious."

"I gotta hand it to you, Tony: you know how to act."

"Boss?"

"The skirt chasing, the comments, the _detailed_ date reports," Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Had me fooled."

Complimented for a moment by the fact that Gibbs was not easy to fool, Tony wondered what exactly he was supposed to have fooled him about.

"Wait a sec. You think I'm..." Surprise and fear suddenly found their way into his eyes. "HOLD ON!"

His yell drew the attention of the entire office again, but this time Tony was aware of his volume. Embarrassedly glancing around, Tony dismissed them all with a wave and a quick grin. Turning back to Gibbs, the grin disappeared and the volume dropped dramatically.

"I am not gay!" he hissed, looking positively frightened by the suggestion. "Who said I was?"

"You did, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied amusedly, not bothering to lower his voice.

"I did not!" Tony's voice raised hysterically in his panic.

"DiNozzo, I walked into this office and distinctly heard you say, 'What part of "gay" don't you understand?'"

Tony looked briefly confused, then understanding dawned in his eyes. "Oh," he sighed in relief. "That's not what I meant."

"Please explain," Gibbs said, his voice not saying 'please'.

"Kate was bugging me about some guy," he explained. "I got ticked and told her he was gay."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Good. Now you just have to tell the whole office." Gibbs grinned inwardly at the stricken look on Tony's face as he realized the implications of that statement.

"Oh, no, you mean – " Tony paled.

"Yeah," Gibbs replied shortly. He rose, grabbing his now-empty coffee cup, and went to find Kate. He supposed someone needed to tell her that her fancy was not, in fact, gay; besides, he needed more coffee.

Tony sat heavily in his chair, wondering if he should approach people individually or just make an announcement. _May I have your attention, please. Tony DiNozzo is straight as an arrow and available. Ladies only, that number is..._Tony snorted. That one would go over real well with Morrow, not to mention Gibbs. Still debating how to tackle the problem, he was distracted by a younger agent approaching him.

"Hey, DiNozzo," the young man said boldly, grinning to beat the band. Tony was troubled by the color of the kid's shirt; he had never seen a guy wear that shade of purple.

"Yeah?"

"You free Saturday?"

Tony's eyes widened and he fell backwards in shock. "Oh, no..."


End file.
